aethwolf: (80s)
This LJ turns a year old today. 454 entries (including this one) with a total of 1,508 comments (roughly 3 comments per entry), 64 friends with 63 of those being mutual. It's a paid account. Many, many hugs and kisses to [livejournal.com profile] kitsuneangel for getting it for me.

This little thing has proved useful. It's been a place where I can really express alot of things I'd normally not. I don't really think I've changed all that much in the past year, except for being more open about stuff.

So, what do y'all wanna see in Year 2 of this LJ?
aethwolf: (Default)
(I thought I was being witty with that title, but it actually takes you to a website, but, based on a quick look at the front page, it isn't furry.)

What follows is an exploration of furriness throughout my life.

Looking back, I've always been quite fond of canine companionship. One of my earliest memories involves riding in the back of my grandparents' car with my dog, Bowser. Being daring, I was actually laying down in the back of the car with the seats down, giving access to the trunk and more space for the dog and myself. I wasn't wearing a seatbelt. That's all rather off-course, though. It wasn't until just now that I realized why I enjoy that memory so much; I felt like I was in a pack.

I believe that dog had a rather subtle role in my furriness. I believe I had something similar to a wolf-wolf bond with him. I've heard that wolf-wolf bonds are one of the hardest bonds to break. I'd agree with it. It really hurts when that bond is broken. Bowser was shot. He was shot maybe 10 years ago. I don't remember exactly when it happened, but it crushed me. I cried the entire day. I have yet to so much as shed a tear for any human relatives that have died. That's not to say that I wasn't saddened, but I'm not the type to cry easily. Bowser dying may be why I keep myself distant from everyone.

I went through a period where I was a bit of a feline. I don't have much to say about that bit of my life. I actually got along with cats. I was a bit more vocally feline than I am wolf. That may surprise some people.

There was a period where I believe I was entirely human. *shudders* I didn't particularly enjoy that period. It was a bit of a low point in my life.

In August of 2002, I finally got broadband. After a few weeks, I went looking for online games, MMORPGs to be exact. I eventually ended up on Furcadia. I spent alot of time on there.

Eventually, I began looking for anthropomorphic art. I found FurNation fairly quickly. From there, I spread out. Eventually, I was hitting VCL and Furnation almost daily. Flayrah became my favorite site to gather news from. I found Ozy & Millie, Jack, and Faux Pas.

I had read quite a bit about the fandom and thought the lifestylers a bit crazy. It was in December of '02 that I discovered my own inner wolf. My thoughts about lifestylers changed.

It was around then that I started lurking on alt.lifestyle.furry. I delurked there on January 27, 2003. Re-reading that thread really made me notice how much that group has changed. I was never a very active person on that group, but I made sure to read every post. I eventually learned to ignore Snuh and Dave. At that time, I was quite ignorant of killfiles.

Well, that little era ended that April. Broadband was no longer affordable, and, at the time, I refused to go to dial-up. A month and a half later, I was ripped away not only from my little furry internet world, but my little territory out in the country. I spent a little more than 2 months in a cramped, 2 bedroom apartment in the city. During that time, my furriness changed. I also seemed a bit bi-polar that summer. I would cycle from depressed to a sort of loving mood to anger. That's straying from the topic, but I'll leave it in.

I pretty much had no furry contact until this past May when I got this dial-up connection.

That pretty much brings it up to date. Some of this may be out of chronological order, but I did the best I could with my faulty memory.
aethwolf: (Brian)
Well, here's a view of how bad I can get when I crash. Some of these have been edited to remove info I'd rather keep private at the moment.

Read on... )

Yes, [livejournal.com profile] bethtoney, I still have those e-mails.

On myself

Aug. 10th, 2004 01:00 am
aethwolf: (Default)
Over the past few days, I've actually noticed how much of a negative self-image I have. All joking aside, I consider myself more unattractive and chunky than I probably am. I've found that this has made my self-confidence very easy to lose. My personality probably makes this worse. I don't like to admit failure at anything. I don't like to admit that I am not perfect at anything. I avoid things I don't do well, instead of attempting to at least practice at it. I keep myself distant from others. There are people whom I've known for years that still don't really know me, because I don't know me. I have too many sides to myself. I have my online side, my friends side, my family side, and probably a few more that I don't realize I have. I believe that the true me is rather unsure and wanting reassurance. I just don't fucking know myself. Some sort of identity crisis? Maybe. Rambled on too long? Probably.

That was long and rambly. Hopefully, it has some sort of flow.

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